Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The shock, the horror!!

Sooo.... Everything was going great! Better than I could have ever expected. Quite wonderful actually.

Then on Monday,I developed an itchy welt around an incision site. Itchy doesn't begin to describe the itch!

Then I started feeling a little funny. Very tired.

Then I developed this pain. If I roll over in my sleep, it's the kind of pain you have nightmares about. I wake up screaming. It feels like my skin or an organ is ripping or tearing. So much so that I make my husband look at it because I'm certain there's blood. Luckily it goes away pretty fast, and I've pinpointed the movement that causes the pain, so I avoid that at all costs.

Monday and Tuesday we got the hurricane. Since it really didn't look like an infection... No noticeable pain other than the one linked to movement, no fever (I seriously never ever ever get a fever.... If I do it's like 99.1), and my biggest complaint was an itch... I did not know it was serious. I also didn't have many options because of the hurricane... Everything was closed. I did call the office Tuesday, but obviously I didn't get a return call.

So this morning, I woke up to that horrible pain, screaming. It seemed like it was just getting worse and worse. So I called and got an appointment at 10 am.

Luckily for me, it must have been pregnant people day.

The nurse took my blood pressure 140/60 and asked if that was normal for me... NO! I'm normally 120/80. Then she asked me what was wrong. I started telling her. She then asked that I list my biggest complaint... Obviously it's this pain. I could tell that she was starting to dismiss everything. I explained that this surgery was nothing in comparison to my last one. Finally I just lifted my shirt and shared exactly what was going on... Really let's cut to the chase here!!! Why don't you look at it?!?!?

So she leaves immediately and gets another nurse. Now there are two... The new nurse looks at it, she goes and gets a nurse practitioner who comes in and looks like she is watching the Hindenburg accident as its playing live on my stomach... THE SHOCK! THE HORROR! All 3 of them just sat there staring in disgust.

At this point I kind of start freaking out. The nurse practitioner just said this is bad, look how it's spreading. I told her i can tell from the look on her face. So then they go to get the doctor. Now I have 2 nurses, one Nurse practitioner, and a doctor looking at my stomach in disgust.

Then he said the following... I don't think I need to open you back up right now.

WAIT... WTF?!? WHAT!!!! Cue internal freak out now.

I have an infection. I'm on antibiotics And I have to get monitored very closely to see if I respond to the antibiotics. They have drawn all over my stomach and I guess are waiting to see if the spots go down. my next appointment is tomorrow. I'm hoping the antibiotics work!!

I'm doing okay, just really really tired.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

off balance

Every relationship needs balance.  A little ying and a little yang. 

In our relationship, I am the one that freaks out.  I am the one with the disaster kit ready for nuclear warfare. 

Well our balance is off.  I have been high on pain meds since Wednesday.  I knew there was a hurricane coming.  I sent my husband off to the grocery store to get cupcake supplies... that should have been his sign to step the hell up.  It wasn't.  '

Tonight we were watching the news, and the news kept saying this historical event.  I said I don't get it, what is so historical about it.  To which he informs me that it is the second largest hurricane of all time... or something to that effect. 

cue freak out.

This is what I get for making fun of the Amish.  We lose power all of the time. Ive been running around the house filling up Tupperware with ice, empty water bottles with water, I vacuumed because I don't want to sit in my filth for days on end.   

We are all going to die, the end is near... frankenstorm... you sneaky little bastard!

I'll likely be living in Amish paradise for a bit! 

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Dont think less of me, but

I have a confession to make... I make poor tv choices. 

There, I said it. 

I generally don't  watch new tv series because every show I like gets canceled (this should be my sign)

In my spare time, I don't like to learn, Im not trying to pick up new hobbies,   I'm terribly busy watching reality tv. 

1.  Breaking Amish:  I live in Delaware, about an hour away from Lancaster.  After watching this show, I really don't know if I can ever go to Amish Country again.  Im disturbed.  I am as horrified as if I were really watching Children of the Corn.  They pull their adult teeth out of children.  The highest grade of school they attend is 8th grade.  Most quit before that.  There is a couple on the show that are dating.  They make me feel like I am watching weird colonial pornography. 

2.  Long Island Medium:  This woman is amazeballs.  Im thinking about hanging out at local diners in hopes that I bump into her, so that she tells me some kind of message from the other side. Please help me make sense of this ridiculous life journey that I am on. 

3. Kardashians:  GUILTY.  That's all I am going to say.

4.  Honey Boo Boo:  I am in love, but then again, I think that kids that cuss are awesome ( I seriously can not imagine why the universe has decided that we should not have children).

5.  Giuliana and Bill:  I think I only watch this show because Im waiting for Giuliana to punch Bill in the face the next time he says..."this isn't my first rodeo."  Seriously Bill, the infinite wisdom that you gained from Trump is unfounded. STFU!

6.  Moonshiners:  I love Tickle.  He really put his life on the line to make moonshine.  I appreciate his dedication.  When he fell down and broke his ribs because he was drunk while making moonshine.  He took it like a man.  When he said..."the cause and the remedy were one of the same"  as he tipped back his glass of moonshine, a little piece of me fell in love.  My hero.

7.  Real Housewives: any season, all of tbem, all year, all the time.... I like all of the crazy characters too... like Ramona, Nene , Sonja... lets just say I like the unstable ones.  I enjoy the drinking games on Watch What happens live.  I love me some Andy Cohen. 

8 Ghost Hunters:  This is actually my husbands guilty pleasure, but I secretly enjoy it too.  My husband has a habit of coming home with the most ridiculous gifts for his beloved.  You should have seen his face when he gave me my TAPS sweatshirt.

9.  Im pretty sure it is safe to assume, if there is a show that makes people think... who would watch that crap... the answer is me. 

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Hormones don't make me crazy... Riiight

A look back at all of the crazy things I did while under the influence of hormones:

1. Someone told me turtles are a symbol of fertility. I purchased this:
Sea Turtle Necklace Hawaiian Honu Jewelry by Mermaid Tears Hawaii

I'm obsessed with mermaids right now, the name of the store. So that combined with the pineapple colored stones... Clearly a sign from mother earth.

Under normal circumstances I dont believe in This shit, but desparate times call for desparate measures. So I took my cross off and have been rocking the turtle. If you see something wrong with this, you aren't alone. Last time I rocked my cross, I rocked the st gerard pins. We all know how that worked out. I'm now taking chances on turtles. 

2.  Have you ever seen "dude where's my car?" the scene at the drive thru.. "and den" "no and den"! 

I had a similar conversation with my RE's office where I collectively lost my shit. The woman on the phone kept saying OKAAAAAY! And I kept alternating between NO NOT OKAAAAAAY!  NOT OKAY, okay!! Over and over and over again.  

3.  I sent an email to Good Morning America because I did not like the way Josh seems to bully Sam Champion on a daily basis. Yes, this really happened. 

I told my husband later that night, "I emailed GMA this morning". To which he replied, "I was just about to say you were doing really good on these hormones."

4.  I screamed at my beloved Lucy, because she would not eat her food. I yelled at this face:
photo.JPG not my finer moment.

Guilty of BUI (Blogging under the influence)

Surgery Day was yesterday.

I had to get there at 10:45, one hour before surgery.  Surgery was at 11:45.  Naturally I didnt walk the plank to the OR until 12:50.  I was starving.

My sister knew the nursing staff, from her nursing job in the ER, so I think it helped me get some extra love.

Surgery was over around 2pm.  I remember hearing the nurses, waking up, breathing, Fuck this hurts, and quickly went into the hyperventilation cry.  I got an 3 extra shots of pain meds in my IV.  Which I appreciate.  My oxygen was low, and I was hooked up to oxygen. Because my sister is an ER nurse, I think that's why I just sat there in recovery for over an hour before they let her back.

They finally let her back and I was flying high.  I decided now was a perfect time to tell the nurse that my sister was the Nurse of the Year at the hospital, and that Im certain she would autograph her arm if she wanted.  It wasnt long before word spread and her friends came up and were congratulating her.  It was hilarious, and Im pretty sure she wanted to kill me.

 Everything was fine, then I had to get dressed.  I was so hot from all the blankets.  Then things went south quick. I started getting that Im going to puke sweat.  Then my sister tells... "not nurse of the year" that Im nauseous.  She says she will get me a a soda.  She hands me a can of soda, a package of cookies, tells my sister to get the car.  I get wheeled out in like 60 seconds with my soda and cookies in hand and Im about to puke.  After about an hour, the puke feeling wore off and I was feeling good. So good in fact that I couldnt believe it.  My husband got home and he couldnt believe it.  So far, there is no comparison between this surgery and the last one.  The last one was awful. As we near 24 hours past surgery, the pain is increasing, but I dont feel like death.  So I'll take it.

My RE told my sister I had two fibroids, some mild endo developed since my last surgery, and inside the ute... she was unable to see.  Unfortunately I was bleeding heavily at the time of surgery, so the ute looked like a shark bite through the camera, but she said she cleaned it all out so if there was anything there, it's gone now.

I'll be drugged up these next few days and I think I have moments of pure genius while I'm under the influence.  So enjoy yourself these next few days.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

...Yes it goes on and on my friend

First, thank you all for your kind words. It really means a lot.  Love you ladies.  

You may recall me wondering if I needed another Lap/Hys surgery here  

The reason I was sort of hoping that they may find something was because last time I had my sono, prior to my surgery, they found one polyp.  Just one.  When they went in and did the surgery they found a ton of them.  They did not show up on the sono.  She was very surprised at what she found when she was in there.  She came out of the surgery and told my husband that had I never had this surgery, there is no way that I would have ever gotten pregnant.  She also said these polyps would return within six months. It's been over a year.

So my thought process during my last sono left me uncertain what to hope for.  If they find something, I will have the surgery, and maybe this will ensure I am good to go for the next transfer.  They found nothing.  Part of me was happy, because who really wants to have surgery.  

Fast forward to my WTF appointment.  The RE asked me if we wanted to go straight into another cycle.  I explained that yes, I do, but I have reservations.  I explained that given my history, and the fact that only one polyp showed up on the sono, then she found extensive polyps/endo during surgery and that I was concerned that there is something going on in there.  I also reminded her that at my baseline ultrasound they found a fibroid.  Also, they discovered that my deformed uterus is back.  (Does that actually grow back?  I swear I learn something new every single time I go to the RE).  

She took one minute, looked over my file, and said that she agrees with me 100%.  She said that in my case, I had extensive issues going on that were not detected, and she recommends moving forward with the lap/hys surgery again.  Due to issues with scheduling of the next cycle, I have surgery tomorrow.  This was not on my agenda for things to do.  I realize it's necessary, but I am not looking forward to it. 

Again, I feel like I want to throw a tantrum.  I know it's for the greater good, but I still don't want to do it.  Why couldn't this last FET have worked out and this have been done already? Why are we constantly choosing between crap and crap?  I look forward to the day when we have to make decisions about good things... like "Do you want liposuction or breast implants?"

I use my PTO on surgeries, IVF, and failed embryo transfers, because I secretly hate vacations and all things fun.

Monday, October 22, 2012

This is the song that never ends...

Sorry to drag this on. I have had the craziest week ever and did not have an archive for this one.

Week one after the transfer, I was so hopeful. Things looked good. For me to say good, i avtually believed this crap worked. By Sunday, I started cramping and I just knew this did not work. I started crying on Sunday. My husband caught me. I tried to shelter him from it unsuccessfully. After talking to a few people, I realized my RE does the beta (pregnancy test) way late. 14 days past transfer. I emailed them that I knew this didn't work, and they said I could come in for an early test. They scheduled the WTF appointment (why the fail appointment for those of you fortunate enough to not know what that means).I am so grateful that they took me seriously.

She asked me how soon I could come in for the beta... I said now. I went in, took the blood draw.

There's nothing like dreading that phone call. I really don't want to talk to the woman who is calling me, telling me in the most sympathetic way possible things that I already know. I knew I was not pregnant.

Even a hatching embryo is destined for death in this uterus.

She called using that "I'm sorry" voice and I told her... Yea, I already knew that. Not pregnant.

Seriously... This is the song that never ends. Yes it goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS!

-special thanks to Erin @ and Lisa @
I feel so lucky to have met you.

Frozen Hope

If you dont know, embryo transfers are done on a full bladder. When your bladder is full it straightens out the uterus allowing the doctor to shoot the embryo straight into the uterus.

It would be hard to discuss this transfer with out flashing back to my last one. During my mock transfer I was advised to drink more water than 32 ounces because my bladder wasn't full enough. So for the real transfer I complied. When I got to the office, I had to pee pretty bad. After sitting in the waiting room for a half hour, I thought I was going to die. Really I did. I had to empty "just a bit" twice. I thought I was going to die. When it was finally over and I could pee, I couldn't. I seriously think I was near kidney failure. It was an awful experience.

Fast forward to the day of the transfer.

I only started drinking water a half hour before we had to arrive. I was dreading this. I kept saying to the hubs... If I'm not full, they can wait. I just don't care!! We walked in, I barely had to go. I complied with their water drinking demands and drank what they told me to, so I didn't care. The nurse came in to get me, asked if I felt full. I said I drank the requirements, but it's hard to tell if I'm full because last time was so horrible. Eye roll from nursing staff.. They've heard that before. So can you imagine my delight, seriously it was delight, when the nurse checked and said not only was I full, but I could empty, and I didn't even feel like I had to go... At all!!!!!!! You would have thought I won the lottery, I was so damn excited about my non painful full bladder!! My husband and I high fived each other because we we're shocked! I think at that moment my husband realized how overly full my bladder was last time. I was so happy, knowing I wouldn't be in crazy pain for the next hour. Relief!!

That relief was short lived because our RE waltzed in with one piece of paper. A picture of an embryo. Just one... There should be two. Why is there only one???? Are the rest of these embryos goners leaving us with this one shot? However, I could see the picture from across the room... A HATCHING EMBRYO!! I knew that was great news. So she sits down and I brace myself. She says that she knows we don't want to know anything, but she begs me to let her tell us. Now I'm already freaking out because there is only one picture. So some good news will help things right now.

She said there were 3 amazing embryos from the day 3 batch. There was no need to thaw the day 5 embryos. She said that she knows we discussed transferring 2 embryos, can still do that, but if we did that there is a strong likelihood that there will be twins.

Holy shit balls did she really just tell us good news?!? She asked how many we want to transfer. We were speechless. I thought I had prepared myself for everything. Turns out I had not prepared myself for good news. We just looked at each other. In the end, we decided to go with one. We have 5 amazing day 5 blasts frozen. Frozen hope.  Hope that if this should not work out, we still have another shot.

And without further adieux I introduce you to the incredible time traveling hatching sea monkey!!!


The transfer went smoothly. I was comfortable*. I can tell you with all sincerity, this was up there with the happiest days of our lives.

I seriously still can not wrap my head around the fact that something good just happened. We've been living worst case scenario for so long... I am so not familiar with this best case scenario ideology. What is this? Where are the hidden cameras saying this is a joke? Pinch me... Actually don't. Let me just relish in this for a minute.

*at the end of this transfer I still did not have to pee half as bad as I did when I walked in the building last time (because I dont think you quite comprehend how bad I had to pee last time!)

I was sent home with these instructions, which crack me up every time I get them.  So I leave you with this.....  DO NOT STICK ANYTHING IN YOUR VAGINA.

Twas the night before transfer....

*released from the vault, already happened

It is the night before the transfer, I am cool as a cucumber. 

I read a fellow bloggers blog this morning and it was talking about how many of her embryos survived the thaw.  Then it hit me... My embryos are thawing... I wonder how many of ours survived the thaw.  I would know this had I not told that woman to tell me NOTHING! 

... and then I came full circle.

I could be flipping the fuck out right now, if we got bad news, and Im not.  Whew... Good decision!

It still didnt hit me what could be happening tomorrow.  I feel so numb to all of this.


Ignorance is bliss

*Already happened

The embryologist called to double check the plan. Thaw the 6 day 3 embryos and see how many of them grow to blasts before dipping into the blastocyst safety stock.

I asked her if she had my file in front of her.. Yes she did!

Perfect, now I thought was the perfect time to tell her about my plan. My plan is to know as little as possible in regards to the status of these embryos until after the pregnancy tests. Last time we did this I went into my two week wait knowing that our only shot was in my uterus. After that, game over, start at round one. I can not do that again. Last time I was about one week past transfer and was filling out our application for donor embryos. Crazy! I totally tweaked out. So what would my options be if I knew this was going south? Not a lot.

I think in this case ignorance is truly bliss. There is no reason I need to know anything about any of the embryos not in my uterus.

So our conversation went like this:

Me: we don't want to know anything at all about these embryos. Nothing, nada!

Her: wow! Okay great... Usually we don't get this request.

Me: yea, I'll freak out no matter what you tell me, so it's best I don't know.

Her: well do you want to know if there are any leftover frozen

Me: no

Her: well the dr will update you the day of the transfer

Me: yea, I plan on shutting her down too! We discussed transferring two, if there aren't two just transfer one. Don't tell me, just do it.

Her: okay, I'll make a note. Do you want to know if we used the day 5 blasts?

Me: no

Her: do you want to know.. These questions seemed to keep coming. Do you want to know if they are abducted by aliens? Do you want to know if... I just kept saying NO!

She again reiterated I was the easiest patient ever.

We've been here before. I wish people knew how touch and go all of this really is. Literally one minute everything is great and going according to plan... And the next your hopeful future children are dead in a dish. I don't know how you can have hope without devastation when it doesn't work out. I think for my well being that I can save that devastation for a more appropriate time. I dont want to know anything.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Releasing the vault. The following already occurred.

I can't believe we are doing this. Honestly, I'm totally weirded out by my attitude during all of this so far. I have no feelings whatsoever about this. I've been taking my meds like a good little girl. So far, just lupron and estrace.

My dosage was just recently increased from 4 to 6 mgs and it's kicking my butt. During ivf I only took 2 mgs I had no side effects. This is kicking my arse a little bit. I can't sleep but I'm tired. I'm in a fog. Up until this recent increase I had no side effects at all.

Today was my lining check. I am just one giant ray of sunshine, let me tell you! They did an ultrasound to ensure my lining was good enough to schedule the transfer. As the image became clear, they gasped in excitement... Wow! This looks great! I just laid there waiting for them to pull the rug out from under me. She then starts looking at my ovaries... She tells me my left ovary looks good. I said... Yea, what about the right one? That looks good too.

I know we are doing a frozen embryo transfer... I know my ovaries have nothing to do with this. I am simply unable to be positive. I can be neutral, but not positive. I'm going into these appointments with as much excitement as you would have for a teeth cleaning.

So, with that said... We are scheduled for the embryo transfer in exactly one week. Maybe at that point I'll realize the importance of what is happening here.

You know when your foot falls asleep and no matter how hard you try, the pins and needles go away on their own terms... It's kind of like that.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

When bad news = entertainment

Yesterday in the break room I caught the story of the guy jumping from 23 miles up.

*This hot air balloon, all alleged 55 stories of it, looks like its made of dollar store trash bags. Not really okay for trash, also not okay for for floating 23 miles up.

* His outfit. It looks exactly like Neil Armstrong's when he landed on the moon. Is this guy sure he will be able to pull his parachute?

*He's trying to break the sound barrier.... With his body. With his body!!!!!!!!!! I just think maybe this is a bad idea. Don't people in airplanes do this for a few seconds in the comfort of an airplane and nearly pass out? Which brings me back to... Are you going to be able to pull that cord? How do parachutes withstand that much wind during the free fall?

* The data collected during his fall is going to be collected for information on recreational space travel. In the event that your spacecraft breaks down you may be able to jump to earth. Seriously?!?

*It's sponsored by RedBull. Have you seen their commercials? It usually does not end well.

*his balloon takes flight from Roswell... How appropriate!

I could go on and on with this. Needless to say I, along with my coworkers, we're so excited to watch this jump... For all the wrong reasons. When people do incredibly stupid things... I really enjoy watching.

His flight was canceled because of the wind. THE WIND!!! You are trying to break a sound barrier with your body and you are worried about a breeze.

Thanks life for yet another disappointment.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Losing ones shit...

Do you remember the day you found out you were one of them? You know, those infertile chicks.

For me, it was exactly this time one year ago. The RE just told me our only chance of having a child would be ivf. I remember it started the unraveling of the old me. I knew ivf had a 50% success rate... And as a person who habitually falls on the wrong side of statistics... I knew this was bad. I seriously was flipping the fuck out.

Do you ever wish you could go back and have a talk with yourself?

Here's how that convo would go:

Dear KayBee,

I know you just got some really shitty news... But I'm REALLY going to need you to hold it together, you see things are really going to get so much crazier than you could have ever anticipated.

You're trying to find the cash to pay for IVF. Do yourself a favor... Flush that $24,000 down the toilet because your suspicions are correct... That shit aint going to work. You agonized for weeks over which IVF package to purchase. You sprung for the bonus package with unlimited transfers until a live birth... Oh yea, you sign a contract that says "unlimited transfers until a live birth" how horrible. It really won't matter because you won't have any embryos to do any additional transfers. So chill.

The dr's will make a deal with you, because they like you. They will do another round of IVF at 50% off* (*fine print: if you have a pregnancy that results in the live birth of a child they want the other 50%).

Soon enough you will be buying embryos, based off of a vague profile, on the Internet. ... Just go to this website and pick a batch.

You will find yourself in an alternate universe.

So, what I'm saying here is this... You don't have any control here. Throw your hands up and do your very best to enjoy the ride... Because you are going to be here a while. Today is not the day to lose your shit.

Your future self

Sunday, October 7, 2012

My husband thinks he's hilarious

And as a special reward for his humor he will accompany me to the bathroom in the middle of the night and spell ICUP.

It's Halloween and I decided it was perfectly acceptable to watch a scary movie... And by watch, I mean sit there with my eyes and ears covered for over and hour. I'm a wussy.

After the movie, I go into the kitchen to this:

He's really not funny. 

Friday, October 5, 2012

Put the cat back in the bag.

When I first started this blog, it was intended to update family members/friends about what was going on. When you and your husband are having surgeries, it's a lot harder to keep infertility a secret.

Once the cat was out of the bag, people wanted to know every single heart breaking detail. They cared, i get that. As many of you infertiles know, this isn't easy to live through... Let alone talk about. So when we would forget to tell one person something but would tell someone else, people would take things personal. We started to have to deal with a good amount of criticism.

Totally unfair? Absolutely. I turned into Angry Spice. People don't know what this is like. To those of you with children that would like to have an idea... Look around your house. There are photos, memories, cherished belongings your children have given you. Now imagine I come into your house and take all that away. These memories never happened. Imagine how different your life would be. That is the future we are facing.

As an effort to get some peace from the madness, we decided this blog would be great. We wanted to speak out. We wanted people to know what was happening. The problem is that honestly, most people will never understand this. Me writing about it really didn't change that. Those people that didn't understand, still don't understand. The criticism continued. Criticism at the worst possible time. It wasn't all bad, we did get tons of support because of it. However, one bad experience is one too many.. And a few is just more than I care to add to my plate right now.

Not long after I started the blog, I came across this amazing group of women that offered support. They understood. MY INTERNET FRIENDS! This place became a source of therapy. Soon the purpose of this blog shifted, from update family/friends to support group.

When I first started the blog, I was writing in past tense about things that already happened. I never really thought about how we would handle the next round.

As more and more time goes by, it's clear, we have to keep this private. Since real world people read the blog, we really don't know how to handle it. It stinks, because I wish We could talk about the this. I wish I could have that support I've found here when going through this next transfer.

So, in conclusion, self preservation wins... When is the transfer? We aren't telling, at least for now. We can only deal with this right now. Our own feelings. Adding more to that is simply not an option this next go around.

We'd like to see rainbows shooting out of everyone's ass this next go around. :)

To the internet friends, I feel so incredibly guilty about this.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Twilight Zone

I suppose now would be a good time to discuss these mystery embryos.  Prepare to enter THE TWILIGHT ZONE... CUE CREEPY MUSIC NOW.  There are 9 embryos.  They have been frozen since 1999.  1999!  In 1999, Britney was singing... "Baby One More Time", Ricky Martin was livin la vida loca, and Destiny's Child had all of it's original members.  I was starting my freshman year of college.... in the meantime, in a far away land, these embryos were being made. This piece of information has continued to BLOW MY MIND!

From  the minute I saw "9 embryos made in 1999", I had a weird strange connection to them.  We requested information on two sets of embryos.  Initially she sent the other set.  We kept saying, yea these are great, but please send us the information on the 1999 set. 

So when our RE said that she approved of either set, we followed our heart.  Sure they were old, and frozen using older techniques, but given the fact that during this whole entire process, we havent really had a say about anything it felt good to finally be able to have  a say.  It was also scary as hell. You are, after all, selecting your potential future children.  No big deal ;)

I went to my appointment to discuss the game plan with my RE.  In the back of my mind I was prepared for the worse.  In 1999 they did things a little different.  They froze the embryos on Day 3.  There are 6 Day 3 embryos, and 3 day 6 embryos. 

However, the craziest thing happened, the RE told me that she was very optimistic about things.  She explained that she studied under the doctor that preformed the IVF.  Small world. She told me these are very advanced embryos for 1999.   The clinic was ahead of the game for 1999.  So the game plan is to thaw the 6 day 3 embryos for a few days and transfer the ones that get to blastocyst stage.  She felt very good about them.  Then she shared even better news... (well it depends on your definition of good news, because it's not that great of news for the donor, I know first hand how horrible this must have been for them).  The donor was young when she did IVF and only did so because she had tubal issues.  She has very happy about this, and informed me that this is great news for me, because it's like having an egg donor.  Apparently, tubal issues have a higher success rate, because the infertility isnt due to egg quality.  (This in no way discredits anyone suffering infertility due to tubal issues).  I think I skipped out of that appointment, for the first time in over a year, finally what appears to be some mildly good news. 

Monday, October 1, 2012

A weird glimpse into my marriage

The hubs... Love him dearly.

He's usually cool as a cucumber. To outsiders he isn't phased by much. Do you want to know how I know he's stressed? He sleep walks like he is fucking Indiana Jones raiding the lost Arc! Sometimes he barricades the room with sweatshirts to keep the snakes out. Sometimes he hunts insects in the room.

Then there are the times like a few nights ago.

He wakes me up nudging me... "Kristie WAKE UP!! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!!!"

Naturally, I wake up in panic... "What did you just see?!"



I'm getting out of bed searching for the nearest weapon, and this fool is getting back in bed getting under the covers.

Me: DUDE!! GET UP NOW!!! What are you talking about.

Him: I saw a man, it was nothing, just go to bed.

Me: still freaking out... Seriously if you don't wake up and give this house the all clear I'm hitting you with a bat!

Him: just go to bed.

Okay, so I'm starting to realize he's sleep walking.

I check the house, the dogs are sleeping peacefully, I know there's no one in the house.

Fast forward to the next morning where he says... MAN, can we talk about my sleep walking?

I just looked at him like... Yea! I'm well aware.