Monday, October 8, 2012

Losing ones shit...

Do you remember the day you found out you were one of them? You know, those infertile chicks.

For me, it was exactly this time one year ago. The RE just told me our only chance of having a child would be ivf. I remember it started the unraveling of the old me. I knew ivf had a 50% success rate... And as a person who habitually falls on the wrong side of statistics... I knew this was bad. I seriously was flipping the fuck out.

Do you ever wish you could go back and have a talk with yourself?

Here's how that convo would go:

Dear KayBee,

I know you just got some really shitty news... But I'm REALLY going to need you to hold it together, you see things are really going to get so much crazier than you could have ever anticipated.

You're trying to find the cash to pay for IVF. Do yourself a favor... Flush that $24,000 down the toilet because your suspicions are correct... That shit aint going to work. You agonized for weeks over which IVF package to purchase. You sprung for the bonus package with unlimited transfers until a live birth... Oh yea, you sign a contract that says "unlimited transfers until a live birth" how horrible. It really won't matter because you won't have any embryos to do any additional transfers. So chill.

The dr's will make a deal with you, because they like you. They will do another round of IVF at 50% off* (*fine print: if you have a pregnancy that results in the live birth of a child they want the other 50%).

Soon enough you will be buying embryos, based off of a vague profile, on the Internet. ... Just go to this website and pick a batch.

You will find yourself in an alternate universe.

So, what I'm saying here is this... You don't have any control here. Throw your hands up and do your very best to enjoy the ride... Because you are going to be here a while. Today is not the day to lose your shit.

Your future self


  1. Dude. That fine print is scandalous. I had no idea. Because, you know, they don't make enough money.

  2. Seriously? They want the other 50% if it results in a live birth? How awful. As if they don't torture us enough both mentally and financially.

    But it is true...we don't have any control. Not really. We can control certain things, but not the fact that we are in the situations that we are in. The best we can do is hold on.

    Try to keep it together, hopefully we will all get out of this one way or another.

  3. Geeze that is really sneaky fine print. The thing is, they know people like us will sacrifice everything to get there. Makes me so mad. As for the whole subject of control...that is one of the hardest things for me to give up. We have so little control in all of this. Hang in there girl.

  4. I remember the day we got diagnosed. I felt like someone had died. But of course no one had so I had to put on a happy face and buck up buttercup.

  5. I dooooo remember getting the news. What a shit, shit day.

    So sorry you have reached this anniversary (damn all these shitty anniversaries).

    Sending you happy thoughts and vibes, lovely.

  6. I think the lack of control would have been the thing I would have warned myself about the most - it is out of your control.

    And that totally sucks.

  7. Thanks for commenting on my blog yesterday...
    I am sorry you've had one of these awful anniversaries come up. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

  8. I've never been good at letting go of the control. And this is all about losing control. It's so hard!

  9. My You're Fucked anniversary is next month.

    Oh...the fine print. I got nailed by the "this price includes..." BS. The Embryo Transfer price includes: Freezing any remaining embryos and storage for 2 years.

    Nothing to freeze? Sorry still same price since you already paid.


Your comments make me happy. They also make me feel like I'm
not talking to myself, which is critical for my sanity :)