The embryologist called to double check the plan. Thaw the 6 day 3 embryos and see how many of them grow to blasts before dipping into the blastocyst safety stock.
I asked her if she had my file in front of her.. Yes she did!
Perfect, now I thought was the perfect time to tell her about my plan. My plan is to know as little as possible in regards to the status of these embryos until after the pregnancy tests. Last time we did this I went into my two week wait knowing that our only shot was in my uterus. After that, game over, start at round one. I can not do that again. Last time I was about one week past transfer and was filling out our application for donor embryos. Crazy! I totally tweaked out. So what would my options be if I knew this was going south? Not a lot.
I think in this case ignorance is truly bliss. There is no reason I need to know anything about any of the embryos not in my uterus.
So our conversation went like this:
Me: we don't want to know anything at all about these embryos. Nothing, nada!
Her: wow! Okay great... Usually we don't get this request.
Me: yea, I'll freak out no matter what you tell me, so it's best I don't know.
Her: well do you want to know if there are any leftover frozen
Her: well the dr will update you the day of the transfer
Me: yea, I plan on shutting her down too! We discussed transferring two, if there aren't two just transfer one. Don't tell me, just do it.
Her: okay, I'll make a note. Do you want to know if we used the day 5 blasts?
Her: do you want to know.. These questions seemed to keep coming. Do you want to know if they are abducted by aliens? Do you want to know if... I just kept saying NO!
She again reiterated I was the easiest patient ever.
We've been here before. I wish people knew how touch and go all of this really is. Literally one minute everything is great and going according to plan... And the next your hopeful future children are dead in a dish. I don't know how you can have hope without devastation when it doesn't work out. I think for my well being that I can save that devastation for a more appropriate time. I dont want to know anything.