Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Releasing the vault. The following already occurred.

I can't believe we are doing this. Honestly, I'm totally weirded out by my attitude during all of this so far. I have no feelings whatsoever about this. I've been taking my meds like a good little girl. So far, just lupron and estrace.

My dosage was just recently increased from 4 to 6 mgs and it's kicking my butt. During ivf I only took 2 mgs I had no side effects. This is kicking my arse a little bit. I can't sleep but I'm tired. I'm in a fog. Up until this recent increase I had no side effects at all.

Today was my lining check. I am just one giant ray of sunshine, let me tell you! They did an ultrasound to ensure my lining was good enough to schedule the transfer. As the image became clear, they gasped in excitement... Wow! This looks great! I just laid there waiting for them to pull the rug out from under me. She then starts looking at my ovaries... She tells me my left ovary looks good. I said... Yea, what about the right one? That looks good too.

I know we are doing a frozen embryo transfer... I know my ovaries have nothing to do with this. I am simply unable to be positive. I can be neutral, but not positive. I'm going into these appointments with as much excitement as you would have for a teeth cleaning.

So, with that said... We are scheduled for the embryo transfer in exactly one week. Maybe at that point I'll realize the importance of what is happening here.

You know when your foot falls asleep and no matter how hard you try, the pins and needles go away on their own terms... It's kind of like that.


  1. i was the same, unable to be excited for fear of disappointment. it's always been my theory that it's better to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised than hope for the best and be totally devastated.
    good luck

  2. agree with the above comment - for me at least, it's always best to expect the worst, so that you only run the risk of being happily surprised.

    I have hiiiiiigh hopes for you, though!

  3. I think it is ok to feel a little numbed by all of this, it sometimes feels like an out of body experience doesn't it? Hope for the best but prepare for the worst, that is the best advice anyone has given me about this journey.


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