I just had what could be the most horrific conversation I have ever had in my entire life. A conversation that was so bad that it crossed over to hilarious. After yesterday, any of the following would have sent me into a crying fit... However the conversation as a whole... Priceless. If you ever wondered why people dealing with these issues, sit festering in silence... it's because of the following. THERE ARE SOME IGNORANT ASS PEOPLE OUT THERE.
This woman at work is actually very nice. I know she meant no malice. I also thank God that it came from her, because if it were anyone else, I would have likely been escorted out of the building after punching her in the face.
Her: You working the week of the 4th?
Me: Yes
Her: No vacation?
Me: No
Her: Do you have kids
Me: No
Her: How old are you?
Me: 32
Her: you must not want kids (3x's as she stood there waiting for a response)
Me: no, that's not it, we've been having problems (now I only said this because Im in this insane place where I feel superstitious about everything... Like me answering these questions incorrectly will have an effect on my future, like a bizarre test from God)
Her: (gesture to a penis pump)
Me: no it's not that
Her: well just get a surrogate
Me: it's not that easy
Her: just adopt or foster
Me: were sorting it out
Her: well maybe it's not meant to be. You probably just were not meant to be a parent. Look on the bright side.
Me: we're sorting it out, we will figure it out
Her: well you better figure it out soon, you arent getting any younger.
Scene ends with me wondering if this really just happened or if Im just having a nightmare. I think the answer is yes, this just happened and yes, you are living a nightmare.
hooooleeee crap! "you probably just were not meant to be a parent". some people are just absolutely clueless, aren't they? jeez, could she have said anything more insulting?? sorry you had to endure that, you will be a mama some day, one way or another, you will be. don't let stupid comments like that get you down, you ARE meant to be a mother.
ReplyDeleteIt's certainly laughable. I dont like to say "it cant get any worse" because it can always get worse but truly this conversation could not have gone any worse.
DeleteIt covered all bases 1)old eggs 2) surrogate 3) JUST adopt 4)what's meant to be/fate 5) the bright side 6)You dont have time to wait around. Im having a difficult time figuring out what else she could have added to make it any worse.
Oh yea and 7) the penis pump gesture... In hindsight, Im sort of glad it started off there... Im so immature that it kind of made me laugh a bit.
DeleteMaybe if your work has a security camera you could get a copy of the tape and submit it for a training course on how not to talk to someone dealing with infertility. It made me think of one of those crazy sexual harassment videos that are just so obviously wrong.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't people just say..."I'm so sorry - that's tough."?
I think it would be a video with no audio of my mouth hanging wide open. If ever there was a "what not to say guide" this would be it.
DeleteI absolutely love my daughter-in-law and it drives me crazy when she has to deal with stupidity at its finest some days! You ARE meant to be a mother and WILL be a wonderful one at that. I am so lucky to have you as my daughter-in-law.
ReplyDeleteI'm okay. I dont think I'm going to take any advice like that to heart. People are stupid. Thanks for the support.
DeleteOMG ... where to start with this? I don't know because all of it is so horrifyingly awful - except the penis pump gesture. She gets props for that. So sorry you had to be subject to this clearly clueless barrage, but I think you handled it well ... and it makes for an awesome blog post retelling!
ReplyDeleteI really couldn't make this stuff up. I find myself more and more scratching my head saying to myself... "did that just happen?"
DeleteIt seems like the more you want to escape this topic, and not talk about it, the more the universe tries to force it down your throat! "YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING NOW DID YOU?", says the universe.
Wow, you got ALL the uncool comments in 1 conversation. Congratulations. That might earn you some sort of badge for your infertility sash.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog and sit here with my jaw on the floor that this actually took place. I've had some crazy things said to me but this takes the cake.
ReplyDeleteUmmm, wow. That almost makes me speechless. What an AWFUL thing to say to anyone. I can't think of anything more rude. I'm glad you said she's actually a nice person. She's just not very tactfull apparently
ReplyDeleteO.M.F.G, what the HELL is wrong with people???????????
ReplyDelete