(I feel mildly bad about calling this post the fat ninja, but not bad enought to not post it)
I used to love my job and then I got a new boss. I was able to come in
whenever I wanted. I could leave whenever I wanted. I could surf the internet
as much as I wanted. We had fun coffee breaks that turned into social hour.
Life was great. My old boss didn't give me a hard time as long as the work got
done.
Fast forward to new boss.
He has "rules". I don't really do rules. I hate structure. New
boss wants me to come in within a window. New boss wants to give dirty looks
when he sees anyone smiling... and damnit SMILING WAS MY FAVORITE! I have a
hard time accepting this because the new boss was just "let go" from
the same company a few months ago. He has told me of at least 4 different times
in his career that he was fired.
How do
you get fired so much?
He only wants to
talk to people when it involves him telling stories about himself.
The other day I asked him how his first week was going… he pulled me into
his office and started telling me about one of his previous six thousand
jobs.
He started telling me about this
one job he had… he was going on and on and on.
After about twenty minutes of this… I really wanted to leave.
Then he said that this job he had fresh out
OF HIGH SCHOOL!
The man is pushing
70.
I’m 20 minutes deep and we're only
at high school.
This is going to take
forever to get to topic of this week.
He
would not shut up.
This guy is almost
70!
He doesn’t understand anything that
we do.
Nothing.
He’s confused.
Instead of being normal and following people
around to see what they do and asking questions, he sits in his office with a Bluetooth
headset on receiving calls like a call center for the Lions Club (true story).
He also calls his grandson, who is one,
screaming… CAN YOU SAY GRANDPA?!?
He doesn’t
know how to use a photocopy machine. He sits in his office, that has no
windows, in the dark.
The dark!
The light hurts his eyes.
I think Pop-Pop just needs to “rest his eyes”.
You know, nap time.
He keeps telling everyone, that no one wants to
get on his bad side.
I don’t know if
that means he’s planning on spanking us or what, but don’t make Gramps
angry.
At work, we now all refer to him as The Fat Ninja. For a 6'5'' overweight 70 year old, he is unusually stealthlike. Always trying to catch a person breaking the law. I don’t see this union lasting
too long.
Other news… we came home from work and a business card was stuck in the door…
DMV Division of Fraud.
Awesome.
Well we just sold our buckled car, so we were
kind of freaking out.
Turns out the
scumbag that we bought our house from is selling cars, without the title, and
using our home as the address. Even more awesome.
Yet another reason (there are many) not to buy a house from a
person related to a well known murderer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Capano
I went to the regular doctor.
I
needed a refill of drugs… she did an EKG.
She discovered that I have heart arrhythmia.
I’m sure it’s not a big deal… but let’s just add
that to my running list of problems.
I
refuse to Google it because HONEY BADGER DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT.
I’m simply asking all friends and family to
familiarize yourselves with the nearest heart jumper cables, and if you could
all download the CPR app on your smart phones I would greatly appreciate it.
Honey badger... my new mascot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHqhFFG6jn4
Resting his eyes ... I've had moments where I needed to do just that at work! Made sure nobody saw it, though.
ReplyDeleteIt's never nice to discover a health problem. Hope your arrythmia is not too much to sorry about.
Thanks! I'm sure it's nothing, and for right now I'm choosing denial... So we're all good.
DeleteI too have rested my eyes, I just snuck out to my car to do so! ;)
How does job of the year go to job of the dumps??? This guy may have another jobs to add to his list of "YOU'RE FIRED" stories for his grandson.
ReplyDeleteick, i hate it when you go form having a great fun boss to one who is suspicious and always looking for what people are doing wrong instead of giving praise where praise id due. i am hoping for you that this guy changes his tune real quick.
ReplyDelete