Desperation will make you do a lot of things you wouldn't normally do. In desperation, I recently started reading "The Secret".
So get this, the secret is that anything bad that has happened to you... you did it to yourself, yea it really says that. You secretly asked the universe for this. I really do not recall asking the universe FOR THIS! However, in desperation, I will run with this idea... because I will be one to admit... my current way of thinking is not really working out for me.
So apparently when we all hoped we weren't infertile, the universe heard "infertile" and ran with it... wish granted. I think there was a slight misunderstanding between me and the universe. What I'm getting from this book is that if you lie to yourself and pretend... whatever it is that you want is going to happen... it happens. I am fairly certain there is a clinical term for this called DENIAL, but whatever.
The book seriously says to pretend your bills are checks and be grateful for them.... then bam! The universe grants you with cash. MAGIC!
SERIOUSLY! IF I ONLY KNEW THE SECRET YEARS AGO.
So with that said, I have received lots of checks in the mail. I also lost 50 pounds. I am currently the proud parent to healthy triplets (making up for lost time here). My beach house is freaking amazing. My life is amazing! You are all jealous of me! Tomorrow we are going to the gala.
I strongly recommend the read if for nothing else, entertainment purposes. We will all have our wishes granted!
I really have to do anything and everything to turn this around. Right now... I have the foulest attitude known to man. I have contemplated quiting this cycle. My head just isnt right this time around.
Do you have a song that you hear and it really helps to get your head back in the infertility game? A pep talk of sorts...
For me, it is Florence and the Machine "Shake it out" video
I think I hear this song when I really really need it the most. Do you ladies have a song? Because right now.. I need to create a playlist.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back so shake him off
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but its left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
Oh woah, oh woah...
I just recalled the events of my life in the last two years to a therapist. Her eyes just got bigger and bigger and bigger. This shit stinks.
ReplyDeleteSo here is my pep talk song. Its Swan Dive by Ani DiFranco. Yes, its all "girl power!", but it is one that I have listened to on repeat when I need to be reminded that I can pull through whatever it is I feel like I am drowning in. Warning: There is one line in the song about a tampon that makes me cringe with regret for her, but other then that, rock on sista!
ReplyDeleteCradling the softest, warmest part of you in my hand
Feels like a little baby bird fallen from the nest
I think that your body is something i understand
I think that i'm happy, i think that i'm blessed
I've got a lack of inhibition
I've got a loss of perspective
I've had a little bit to drink
And it's making me think
That i can jump ship and swim
That the ocean will hold me
That there's got to be more
Than this boat i'm in
'cuz they can call me crazy if i fail
All the chance that i need
Is one-in-a-million
And they can call me brilliant
If i succeed
Gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound
I'm just going to get my feet wet
Until i drown
And i teeter between tired
And really, really tired
Im wiped and im wired but i guess it's just as well
Because i built my own empire
Out of car tires and chicken wire
And i'm queen of my own compost heap
And i'm getting used to the smell
And i've got a lack of information
But i got a little revelation
And i'm climbing up on the railing
Trying not to look down
I'm going to do my best swan dive
In the shark-infested waters
I'm gonna pull out my tampon
And start splashing around
'cuz i don't care if they eat me alive
I've got better thing to do than survive
I've got a memory of your warm skin in my hand
And i've got a vision of blue sky and dry land
I'm cradling the hardest, heaviest part of me in my hand
The ship is pitching and heaving, my limbs are bobbing and weaving
And i think this is what i understand
I just need a little vaccination for my far-away vacation
I'm going to go ahead boldly because a little bird told me
That jumping is easy, that falling is fun
Up until you hit the sidewalk, shivering, stunned
And they can call me crazy if i fail
All the chance that i need
Is one-in-a-million
And they can call me brilliant
If i succeed
Gravity is nothing to me
Moving at the speed of sound
I'm just gonna get my feet wet
Until i drown...
Love you. you do know Ani Difranco scares me right? I often wonder if she smells like a dirty hippy. But I like the message and it's being downloaded as we speak.
DeleteYeah, that bitch is crazy, but man she sure can give a woman a swift kick in the ass. And the answer to your pondering...yes. A huge smell dirty hippie. Lots of patchouli and dirty hair, because that is what smelly hippies stink of. Love you too!
DeleteI was in the foulest mood last cycle. I wanted to call my sister and say "just kidding!" and right after I wanted to give away all my embryos (you would have been #1 on the list) but with time I am starting to feel like I can do this again. But hopefully this will work and you won't need time to get your head right. It's going to work!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt already worked.. I had triplets.
DeleteCan anyone besides you see these triplets?
DeleteThe answer is no. Clearly the universe only like Hallucinating people living in denial.
DeleteBAHAHA!
DeleteI just found your blog, and I totally can relate to the whole Secret thing. Someone recommended I watch the movie in preparation for my first IVF and I did... I fooled myself into thinking I liked it for a week or two, but in the end I just found it annoying... Everyone thinks negative thoughts sometimes!!! Anyway... wishing the best for you
ReplyDeleteThanks, I Am so amused by this book. How do you explain cancer? As I'm reading this, it's mildly offensive.
DeleteI read that book way back when - I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteAlso I think you need to find another guilty pleasure show now that Breaking Amish is over (BOO!) Have you considered Sister Wives?
I love sister wives! I caught a marathon the end of last season and I was hooked. I thought I was going to hate it... I didn't. Now I'm trying to convince my husband that I need a sister wife. He told me NO, because he doesn't want to share his wife. He equated it to having a beauty parlor in the kitchen. I said... But you can have 2 wives, he said no thanks.
DeleteBAHAHA! Did you watch last nights episode! I'm so sucked in I was like "please let them all be approved for houses!"LOL. My husband thinks I'm nuts! (And I was the one who told HIM there would be no sister wives. HAHA)
DeleteYou know I live this everyday. I will believe this for you. I just have to get myself back in the right place. You are never talking to yourself. You arestronger than you think. You deserve more and I believe you will get it. Love ya!!
ReplyDeleteI appreciated your snarkiness about The Secret so much. Seriously had me laughing. I see your triplets and raise you a super clean house with perfect teens (when those triplets grow up of course). No angst will be had.
ReplyDelete