Friday, July 27, 2012

Want to know a sure sign that someone is mentally ill?

They have their toenails painted like this:



actually worse than this, more on the skin around the nail, and less on the actual nail... with flip flops. 

And that, my friends is how my couselor had her toenails painted.  If you know me in the real world, you know... I could care less about things like nail polish, so in order for me to be talking about it, it had to be horrid.  That's something a mental patient would do.  I am not exaggerating this at all.  I'm thinking to myself, dont judge, she probably has it together in other arenas... like counseling.

She was supposed to understand what I was going through, I was planning on talking to her about this mess, and looking forward to having someone understand, offer advice, help with coping, etc.  However what happened was... I sat down, and she started telling me about her IVF.  How easy it is to take children to Iceland and Paris.  How she didn't want a big mini-van, so all 3 of her children sit in the back of her car.  She asked me no questions.  Everytime I started talking, she started talking about her donor eggs.  I barely spoke at all.  She continued to want me to think of her as some high class citizen.  She informed me her husband went to Wharton and was a big shot.  She told me her husband was disappointed that her children with donor eggs are not as smart as him and her.  (I was thinking.... uhhh does your hubs know that these kids came from his sperm?)  She kept telling me that she lives in a nice neighborhood, and how she talked to Mayor N.uttter (the mayor of Philadelphia) and told him that if he wants to fix the problems in Philadelphia, that she should  put an IUD (birthcontrol) in every parent with an illegit child (seriously... WTF????).  Now, the whole time, this woman looks like she just crawled out from a dark alley and is dressed like a prostitute, but she wore a fancy scarf, so I think she may have thought that made it classier... I could see her underwear the entire time.  From the bottom, not the top!  This is a true story.  I was wondering if maybe she dressed like that for the drug addicts that she may also provide counseling to, make her more relatable.  So all of her comments about being so high class left me thinking... if you're so fabulous... why in God's name would you be dressed like THAT?  I'm not nice. 

She told me her insurance paid for everything 13 times... 13 motherfucking times. Not that she told me 13 times, but she went thru IVF or FET 13 times.  How lucky, and her insurance paid for it?  I told her that I felt like the world is a scam, just people taking advantage of other people.  She tells me that she never felt like that.  I said well have you ever handed over 25,000 to a doctor and left with nothing.  She said no, I said okay then.

I think maybe she forgot why I was there. It was bad.  Trainwreck bad.  At this point, I have come to the conclusion that the world is playing tricks on me.  Well world, I see what you're doing... and I appreciate your sense of humor. 

Will I go back next week?  Absolutely!  I need to see if this nail polish thing is real or if it maybe was a bad day?  Maybe dress up like a crackhead hooker day?  For the first time in a long time, I have something to look forward to.  I think the universe might just be trying to cheer me up.  I walked out of there feeling like a winner!  So I'd say therapy was a complete success!

I keep asking myself if I'm on some really hilarious reality tv show.  If I am, I havent spotted any cameras.  If I'm not, I really should be, because it would make for good television.

12 comments:

  1. Tell me you aren't paying her!! I had a bad therapist once. I was talking about my alcoholic partner and it clearly triggered her, much as your infertility clearly triggered this woman. She then went on a rant about how once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. She told me he would never be sober. She told me that I would never succeed in life if I chose him as my partner. She said a lot and none of it turned out to be true. I quit her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not paying her. I have a service from work that allows 6 free sessions. At this point, I think I can acknowledge that Im pretty much alone with all of this, so Im accepting the fact that people dont get it. Im going to accept that my situation sucks, and just suck it up. A sympathetic ear wont change much! If I need a sympathetic ear, I have all of you who I can relate to. :) This blog helps more than a crackhead counselor. I'm going to continue to go, just so that in the event that something goes wrong at work with this fmla leave I can say, Im working on me. Im using it to cover my bases. Thats it.

      I can not believe anyone would say that to you. At the end of the day... we are really good people, simply because we have not punched anyone in the face. I want to quit her, but lets be honest... Im really curious what she will wear next week. Maybe at the end of all this, I will send her a bill. I know I wont get paid, but maybe she will get the point.

      Delete
  2. I feel as though the universe is playing tricks on me too but apparently mine is an asshole? But you're therapist sounds awesome. I'm glad you are enjoying her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, Im enjoying her, in that "at least Im not you" kind of way!

      Delete
  3. This is hilarious. Though I also hope you are not paying her. I can't see the toenail photo.

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMG. That lady is cuh-razy. And sounds like kind of a terrible therapist. She may be free and hilarious, but I wonder how helpful those sessions will be?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm leaning somewhere between NOT VERY and A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME!

      Delete
  5. Please email or text me this toenail polish. I cannot see the picture. I need to see this. Have fun at the beach! Its not acomplete waste of time though sweetie. You got a great story and hilarious post out of her :) She is bat shit crazy though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can see it on my computer, but I cant see it on my iphone.

      So I just clicked your link, because I was like who the hell is this, and how the hell am I going to text it to you?

      Texting you now!

      Delete
    2. Also, as a person who has seen my crusty ass feet, Im certain you can back me up here... it had to be bad for me to find it crazy.

      Delete
  6. I know this comment is way late but you have me cracking the hell up over here and I'm not an easy laugher. I just wish this happened to you under better circumstances- holy crap can you get a break. Although you wouldn't need to go to a cracked out infertility counselor if it was a better circumstance...

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make me happy. They also make me feel like I'm
not talking to myself, which is critical for my sanity :)