Want to know a sure sign that someone is mentally ill?

They have their toenails painted like this:



actually worse than this, more on the skin around the nail, and less on the actual nail... with flip flops. 

And that, my friends is how my couselor had her toenails painted.  If you know me in the real world, you know... I could care less about things like nail polish, so in order for me to be talking about it, it had to be horrid.  That's something a mental patient would do.  I am not exaggerating this at all.  I'm thinking to myself, dont judge, she probably has it together in other arenas... like counseling.

She was supposed to understand what I was going through, I was planning on talking to her about this mess, and looking forward to having someone understand, offer advice, help with coping, etc.  However what happened was... I sat down, and she started telling me about her IVF.  How easy it is to take children to Iceland and Paris.  How she didn't want a big mini-van, so all 3 of her children sit in the back of her car.  She asked me no questions.  Everytime I started talking, she started talking about her donor eggs.  I barely spoke at all.  She continued to want me to think of her as some high class citizen.  She informed me her husband went to Wharton and was a big shot.  She told me her husband was disappointed that her children with donor eggs are not as smart as him and her.  (I was thinking.... uhhh does your hubs know that these kids came from his sperm?)  She kept telling me that she lives in a nice neighborhood, and how she talked to Mayor N.uttter (the mayor of Philadelphia) and told him that if he wants to fix the problems in Philadelphia, that she should  put an IUD (birthcontrol) in every parent with an illegit child (seriously... WTF????).  Now, the whole time, this woman looks like she just crawled out from a dark alley and is dressed like a prostitute, but she wore a fancy scarf, so I think she may have thought that made it classier... I could see her underwear the entire time.  From the bottom, not the top!  This is a true story.  I was wondering if maybe she dressed like that for the drug addicts that she may also provide counseling to, make her more relatable.  So all of her comments about being so high class left me thinking... if you're so fabulous... why in God's name would you be dressed like THAT?  I'm not nice. 

She told me her insurance paid for everything 13 times... 13 motherfucking times. Not that she told me 13 times, but she went thru IVF or FET 13 times.  How lucky, and her insurance paid for it?  I told her that I felt like the world is a scam, just people taking advantage of other people.  She tells me that she never felt like that.  I said well have you ever handed over 25,000 to a doctor and left with nothing.  She said no, I said okay then.

I think maybe she forgot why I was there. It was bad.  Trainwreck bad.  At this point, I have come to the conclusion that the world is playing tricks on me.  Well world, I see what you're doing... and I appreciate your sense of humor. 

Will I go back next week?  Absolutely!  I need to see if this nail polish thing is real or if it maybe was a bad day?  Maybe dress up like a crackhead hooker day?  For the first time in a long time, I have something to look forward to.  I think the universe might just be trying to cheer me up.  I walked out of there feeling like a winner!  So I'd say therapy was a complete success!

I keep asking myself if I'm on some really hilarious reality tv show.  If I am, I havent spotted any cameras.  If I'm not, I really should be, because it would make for good television.