Thursday, May 3, 2012

Masters of Disaster

So our decision to move forward with embryo adoption is one that we came to with relative ease.  However, like everything else, you soon realize things are never simple.  I think on first thought, you think you’re having the baby, it is yours, end of discussion.   You may have a baby, and it is yours, but it is not the end of the discussion.  You see most of these embryos come from people that have their own family.  Translation: if you have a child via embryo adoption, your child has brothers and sisters, and biological parents out there.  Although on the surface, embryo adoption seems like having your own child; it is in fact more like adopting.  If, heaven forbid, your child gets sick, you are not genetically related to them.  This brings up a million additional questions… When do you tell your child?  How close of a relationship do you have with the donors?  What if they are weird?  In theory, your child was conceived years ago.  How do you explain that?  You have been chilling (literally) in an iceberg (as we like to call it) for years?  The whole thing is… NOT NORMAL!  I realize this. I think we have decided that should a child be born, it will just be something that they have known from day one.  All of the other questions we will have to figure out as we go. 

Dealing with infertility alone would test a lot of people.  Dealing with all of these decisions and everything else that has been going on in our lives is even harder.  We have coined ourselves “shit magnets”.  (Side note, I also curse a lot, there are plenty of other G rated blogs out there if you would prefer to read those, my apologies in advance.  I’d like to say that this is just a one time occurrence, but it’s not.)  They say when it rains it pours, but we are experiencing a monsoon… and it’s been over a year… WHEN WILL IT STOP!  I hate when I’m on Facebook, and people put posts like "your life is what you make of it, if you are unhappy, change it".  I know they aren't talking to me, however I feel like they are, because we can't change it.   Now these if these same people get a flat tire, their world is totally wrecked, but I digress. There are a lot of people that I would like to shake the shit out of… because they could not make it one single day walking in our shoes. These are the people that love to tell you "the sun will come out tomorrow" well, tomorrow has come and gone, and there is no sun!   

Let me explain what happened last Thursday.  Something like this occurs every week so, this is nothing new to us.  First, we picked two sets of embryos that we were very interested in.  We had to have both sets approved by the doctor.  We are selecting between two sets, one set titled Jeff, and the other set titled Mandy we really wanted the Mandy set.  So when I sent the request to the embryo agency, I requested that they send the Jeff and Mindy files to the doctor’s office.  The woman sends the information off.  I’m waiting all day Wednesday to get the files approved.  Late Wednesday I get a response that they only received one file, Jeff and are waiting for the other file.  I reach out to the agency explaining that the doctor’s office only had the Jeff file, not the Mandy file.  I get an email from the agency that they sent the Jeff to Melissa file.  I start to panic… What is the Melissa file?  Who is Melissa?  I speak to my husband and exclaim that I’m likely to be implanted with the wrong embryos.  WHO IS MELISSA?  I call the agency.  I speak to the woman who sent the files.  She explains that she sent the files, but doctor’s office must not have realized all of the information was there.  I also find out that another couple is interested in these embryos.  So now time is of the utmost importance, GAME ON!  So now we are into Thursday.  I have been waiting all day, I’m panicking that these embryos are going to another couple.  I’m checking my email every five minutes for a response.  NOTHING!  Suddenly, while at work, I start feeling so tired.  Battery drained, going to fall asleep at my desk tired.  I was at the doctor’s office earlier in the week and had been diagnosed with bronchitis, so I’m thinking that it has officially caught up to me.   I told a co-worker I needed to head to my car for a minute because I’m about to pass out I am so tired; I have never done that before.  I took a quick 20 nap, I wake up, I give myself a pep talk, go back in.  As I’m walking in, I barely reach the sidewalk from the parking lot, I’m telling myself…. OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO THROW UP!  About 5 steps after that I throw up.  Now, I work at a company that has its own internal safety crew.  People that really want you to ride in an ambulance really bad.  Here I am in broad daylight, throwing up.  When you are puking, you just want to lie down.  I can’t lay down because someone will call their internal 911 number and then I’m going to ride in an ambulance.  HOW FREAKING EMBARRASSING?!?  So I try to find a more private location to puke… THE BUSHES.  I’m laying there, puking, and a coworker sees me.  Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you look at it, she has a weak stomach.  She throws tissues at me, explains that she is going to puke if she stays and walks away (truthfully, I would have done the same thing).  I finally finish, and I walk into work.  As I’m walking in, Tom calls.  I ONLY ANSWER THE PHONE BECAUSE I THINK HE HEARD FROM THE DOCTOR.   He explains that he has some bad news.  I’m thinking great, this is just great, expecting to be hearing about the embryo reviews.  No, he is calling me because our car just broke down and they suspect that it needs a new engine.  I explain I really can’t have this conversation right now because I just got done puking in the bushes at work.  I gathered my belongings, left work and headed home. 

At this point, I realize I have the flu.  I’m laying in bed, and the only thing I can think is… CRAP, my computer is in the car and I’m waiting to hear from the doctor’s office about these embryos.  Around 6:30 I get up to get my computer.  I check the mail and there was a message from the doctor’s office.  The girl was explaining to me how funny it all was. She had been working with Jeff and Melissa (they were a couple) and she didn’t realize that Melissa’s nickname was Mandy.  That she had the file (not files) the whole entire time.  At this point, adrenaline kicked in, I start freaking out.  First they should be reviewing files, as in plural, not file.  There should be two sets, one for Jeff and Melissa who is apparently nicknamed Mandy and the other for Mandy.  So I call the embryo agency, after going around and around and around, it was finally discovered… we picked two sets of embryos from people named Mindy.  So when I said send the Jeff and Mandy file, she didn’t realize I meant two separate files.  Funny because I don’t know a single person named Mandy.  So she sent the additional file to the office for review.  Naturally, the next day, the girl at the office who she sent it to was out sick.  So here I was still freaking out, because these embryos could go to another person in the meantime.  The office was nice enough to hack into the girl’s computer so that the doctor could review the file ASAP.  They were both approved! Great news.    

As for the car, it died.  It needed a new engine and cost over 6k to fix.  So we had to buy a new car this weekend.  I’ll be sad to let that car go, it was the first car I ever finished paying off. 

Then we found out that the doctors office requires us to undergo counseling in order to proceed with embryo adoption.  That will be completed this weekend. 

We were also instructed by the doctor’s office to visit with an attorney.  We went this week, which was fun.  The woman really had no clue what embryo adoption was.  She was talking to us like we were adopting a child.  We were, in fact, just adopting a few magical cells.  It seems like no one really understands what is going on here because this is such a new arena to be in.  We didn’t leave there with a warm and fuzzy feeling.  We didn’t drive there together; I had to stop at a friend’s house on the way home.  Tom went straight home.  Well it looks like I won the lottery, because Lucy had an accident in her crate while we were gone (never happens).  Tom said she was covered in poop, she had flung it on the wall, and he couldn’t catch her when he opened the crate, so she tracked it all through the house.  He had to give her a bath.  He said she went in without a fight, almost as if she was disgusted with herself.  Then he had to shampoo the carpets, but the belt was broken in the shampooer, so he had to repair the belt then shampoo the carpets. 

All of this has happened this week!  This is not a sitcom, this is our real life.  Sometimes, we sit and laugh about all of it, because honestly, it is funny.  It would just be a whole lot funnier if it were happening to someone else. 


  1. May I tag along to learn about the selection process please?

    Best wishes. What an exciting time! I am really eager for you to get that baby home. Understatement.

    1. Please do! You are officially my first comment ever, that's also exciting.

  2. This is truly going to help someone. I will make sure people I know going through something similar knows about this. You are not alone.

  3. i think we'll get along smashingly, i swear a lot and i also happen to despise inspirational quotes AND the people who splash them all over facebook. so one thing's for sure, you won't be reading any inspirational quotes from me and you're probably going to hear (read?) me swear a lot. shit.

  4. OMGoodness. When it rains, it really does monsoon for you, huh? That's okay because really soon it's going to rain babies, right? Two of them in fact :)


Your comments make me happy. They also make me feel like I'm
not talking to myself, which is critical for my sanity :)