Hormonal Ramblings

All over the place with ramblings and such.

Okay folks, I have my lining check on Friday.  That means we are less than two weeks from embryo transfer.  Holy Cow.  This cycle has made me beyond exhausted.  However, other than that I really try to pretend it’s just another day.  Nothing major is happening.  La Te Da.  You know, when all of this madness has lost all of it’s luster.  You for sure know that this doesn’t have to work, in fact you habitually fall on the wrong side of statistics.  There is that little bastard called hope.  Of course I hope this works out.  I hope that this is done and over with because right now we are stuck.  Stuck in this place where we hope for a future that’s different than the path we are on.  Stuck here in the in between.  I can not do this anymore.  So, I think it’s game over if this doesn’t work.  We start planning for the child free future. 

For those of you that know us in real life... list all grievances now.  After next Friday (consider yourself warned) we do not need any additional unpleasantries.  Our life is unpleasant enough.  So please get this out now.  It seems like every cycle people come out of the wood work during the two week wait.  This cycle, I have to be selfish.  I have to say this.  Usually, I'm the type of person that would drop anything for anyone.  Not now.  I have to do this for us.  We have a lot riding on this.  A cross roads of sorts for how our life is going to play out.  I can not look back on this next cycle and know I put someone else's needs in front of our own.  Should you want to help, come over sometime during that wait and keep me from peeing on sticks like a psychopath because should I see one negative test, I will die.  

Also, all you kind people who have volunteered your uterus. We’re coming after you should this not work.  Get ready.  Start taking your vitamins.  I kid.  I kid.  (Not really).  

Our life resembles a circus.  We have been very open about all of this.  Let me vent… Do you ever come across people that act like they want to be there for you, but it just seems that they really just want front row seats to the circus?  Relationships are based on a two way street.  My pet peeve is people that want to advise you on your life problems, yet never want to share their own.  We all have problems.  However it’s the ones that want you to confess your darkest moments while they sit there acting like everything is just peaches in their own.  Ummm… I can see that your life is also in shambles… so if I need to talk to someone, I have a counselor for that.  I don’t like one sided relationships.  It’s less about developing a relationship and more about making the other person feel like they have a purpose.    Don’t do that at my expense… go get a hobby.

Can you tell Im all hopped up on bitter hormones?

I ran over a squirrel yesterday in my work parking lot, and had to drive past the kill for lunch and returning from lunch.  Uff… I wanted to cry.  I just want a regular day where nothing ridiculous happens.  Last Thursday our heater leaked water everywhere.  It was in the basement and THANK GOD I caught it right before it leaked from the unfinished side to the finished side.  

Update on the hole:  It’s getting a lot better.  It’s still there, but closing up.  I’ve been putting Vitamin E on it, and that has helped me sooooooo much.

On Saturday we are having an ugly Christmas Sweater Party.  Woot Woot!  I am so excited about this.  I need something to divert my attention from my real life.  Our house looks like the freaking North Pole.  We have two trees this year.  Im calling one tree the drunk tree and the other tree the sober tree.  The basement “drunk” tree is filled with beach ornaments… Santa at the beach, pink flamingos, Hawaiian lei lights.  It’s awesome.  This year is the first year we have a traditional tree, AKA “sober tree”.  I’ll put pictures of everything some time this weekend.  I got a cake that looks like an ugly sweater.  I am attempting to fill my yard with those blow up things, which I really hate.  I want like 10 of them, and unfortunately I can only find 3 without buying them… so I think I have to scratch the idea. Booo.  I was imagining everyones face when they pulled up to “that house”.