Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

First an update:  I had a scare this morning... blood on TP spotting and cramping, cue freak out.  I called the doctors office and they upped my progesterone injections.  Im really glad that I called.  Whatever will be will be, I just need to wait it out.  I havent tested yet... out of sheer terror. 

With that said...

Ugly Christmas Sweater Photo's- I'd post more photo's but I'm not sure how my loved ones would feel about starring in the blog.   So I'm limited.

The dessert spread:

The Cake

More of the dessert spread

I think the Balls really accentuate my FAT ASS!  (Another gift from infertility). 

These fancy pants have a sequin zipper

Sober Tree

Drunk Tree

My ugly sweater, those nasty kitties have real faux fur.  So gross.  Not long after this photo was taken, I was hugging the porcelain God.  Too much Rumchata.

The annual Christmas card... people wait for this all year round.  Lucy and Doc... the worst behaved dogs this side of the Mason-Dixon.

We wish you a Merry Christmas!

The wait is killing me.

I rarely have no words, but regarding our transfer it just doesn't feel that awesome writing about being hopeful and all that jazz on a day of such horror.  It's like September 11th, everyone will remember where they were that day, but I was in stirrups wishing for what had just been taken from those families.  I simply can not even begin to imagine their pain.

And with that...

This freaking wait is killing me.  I will say this.. cycling over the holidays is pretty amazing.  There is all of this stuff to keep busy.  To prevent me from googling if sneezing is in fact a pregnancy symptom.  It doesn't change the fact that I want it to be over, but it does make the time pass a little bit easier having so much other stuff to do.  

People say, I just have a feeling this is going to work.  Well they had that feeling the last two times too, and we all know how that played out.  So your track record is crap!  ;)  I get asked a lot how I feel.  I feel like a normal person.  There's nothing that I feel that couldn't be chalked up to the super dose of hormones.  If this were under normal circumstances... I feel exactly the same way anyone else would feel a week after ovulation.  NOTHING. Trust me, I wish there was a baby kicking... but it simply does not work that way.

Im pretty sure this worked.  We will have triplets.  We will never have to deal with this ever again.  Two girls one boy.  We will happily ever after (more lies as I try to trick myself into a pregnancy).

*Also add 90210 to the list of shows that are covering infertility topics where you least expect it (yes... I watch 90210, I told you I watch a lot of bad tv).

You can't escape infertility

Did you know that there are infertility references everywhere? Movies where you least expect it. In fact, I have the attention span of a fly and rarely watch movies. I prefer shows... 30 minutes or less. So why is it that every movie I watch has some reference... My husband and I just look at each other like REALLY?!?

*Beetlejuice
*The Watch
* A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas

Also, every freaking show I watch has some reference to it.

The infertility monster says...
YOU CAN RUN BUT CAN NOT HIDE!!!

Source (http://www.gremlins.com/garage/galleryView.jsp?buildupUid=190)

Unimaginable

During our transfer, As my husband and I hoped for a baby of our own, families were told the horrific news that their babies were no longer with them.

During our transfer, the staff was just finding out about this horrific act. How could anyone do such a thing?

Prayers don't seem enough during times like these.

Wish us luck

Feels weird saying that, but seriously... wish us luck... PLEASE!  :) 

First, I still have to update photo's from the party, but that involves me locating the attachment for the memory card in my camera.... Sooooooooo that may be a while.

My lining check on Friday went well.  I snuck in there just at the lower limit to proceed at 8.2mm  (holy crap... snuck isnt a word.  it's sneaked... I never knew sneaked is a word... DU-MASS right here).

This is sort of funny, because my last lining check was crazy high... like 18mm.  They gasped when they saw it and exclaimed that I was ready to go.  I believe this is because a good chunk of that was polyps.  Now I'm extremely glad I got all of that removed... even though I STILL HAVE A HOLE IN MY STOMACH! That's saying a lot. 

So we are all set for Friday.  With good embryos and a cleaned out ute we should be twinning in no time (said as I try really really hard to trick myself into a pregnancy).

Also... I started with progesterone injections and I believe I have developed a needle phobia.  I started crying like a 4 year old and it didn't even hurt.  The thing is that some of these needles don't hurt at all, and some of them feel like you are being shanked via a shiv. You never know which it's going to be... so you find yourself sitting there like... "NO WAMMY! NO WAMMY!  NO WAMMY!" So Im getting this anxiety before I even get a shot.  Why do FET cycles have to be so damn long?  It's 6 weeks of needles before pregnancy test. 

Since starting the progesterone, I actually am starting to feel a little bit better.  I have more energy and this morning I woke up without feeling like I was ran over by a dump truck.  Prior to progesterone, I could not complete the simplest of tasks without getting distracted/sidetracked/forgetting where I was or how I got there.  Like a real life alien invasion, except it wasn't aliens, it was Lupron.  It truly got so bad that driving a vehicle was probably not a good idea. I was a complete mess.  I have ADD and it was like if ADD had ADD.  Not cool.

Update on my boss... who I really really really really DO NOT LIKE.  We get a bonus, yesterday he told some people the amount but didnt tell me.  This morning, he calls me in and informs me that he "accidentally" gave me a smaller bonus than I earned.  My boss's boss caught it.  I am the only one that this happened to.  I cant help but feel like this was no accident.  I think he thought he was pulling a fast one and got caught.  He said it was an error from the drop box and he accidentally selected the wrong amount.  He then tells me that he "realizes this looks suspicious like it was done intentional."  Now HR had to get involved to fix it, and he looks like a bigger jerk.  Let's face it.. he doesn't look like a jerk, he is in fact, an actual jerk.

Oh well, by this time next Friday I will be P.U.P.O. with twins (again, I'm lying to myself).

I almost forgot!  Thanks for all the uterine scraping information.  RE says that my ute is scraped out plenty from the surgery.  

 

What do you know about uterine scraping?

Any of you ladies have any experience with uterine scraping prior to transfer?  Success?

I attached a link to an article.  I have never had any experience with this, and given the fact that this is kind of it, Im suggesting it to the clinic.

link

Any info would be greatly appreciated.

Hormonal Ramblings

All over the place with ramblings and such.

Okay folks, I have my lining check on Friday.  That means we are less than two weeks from embryo transfer.  Holy Cow.  This cycle has made me beyond exhausted.  However, other than that I really try to pretend it’s just another day.  Nothing major is happening.  La Te Da.  You know, when all of this madness has lost all of it’s luster.  You for sure know that this doesn’t have to work, in fact you habitually fall on the wrong side of statistics.  There is that little bastard called hope.  Of course I hope this works out.  I hope that this is done and over with because right now we are stuck.  Stuck in this place where we hope for a future that’s different than the path we are on.  Stuck here in the in between.  I can not do this anymore.  So, I think it’s game over if this doesn’t work.  We start planning for the child free future. 

For those of you that know us in real life... list all grievances now.  After next Friday (consider yourself warned) we do not need any additional unpleasantries.  Our life is unpleasant enough.  So please get this out now.  It seems like every cycle people come out of the wood work during the two week wait.  This cycle, I have to be selfish.  I have to say this.  Usually, I'm the type of person that would drop anything for anyone.  Not now.  I have to do this for us.  We have a lot riding on this.  A cross roads of sorts for how our life is going to play out.  I can not look back on this next cycle and know I put someone else's needs in front of our own.  Should you want to help, come over sometime during that wait and keep me from peeing on sticks like a psychopath because should I see one negative test, I will die.  

Also, all you kind people who have volunteered your uterus. We’re coming after you should this not work.  Get ready.  Start taking your vitamins.  I kid.  I kid.  (Not really).  

Our life resembles a circus.  We have been very open about all of this.  Let me vent… Do you ever come across people that act like they want to be there for you, but it just seems that they really just want front row seats to the circus?  Relationships are based on a two way street.  My pet peeve is people that want to advise you on your life problems, yet never want to share their own.  We all have problems.  However it’s the ones that want you to confess your darkest moments while they sit there acting like everything is just peaches in their own.  Ummm… I can see that your life is also in shambles… so if I need to talk to someone, I have a counselor for that.  I don’t like one sided relationships.  It’s less about developing a relationship and more about making the other person feel like they have a purpose.    Don’t do that at my expense… go get a hobby.

Can you tell Im all hopped up on bitter hormones?

I ran over a squirrel yesterday in my work parking lot, and had to drive past the kill for lunch and returning from lunch.  Uff… I wanted to cry.  I just want a regular day where nothing ridiculous happens.  Last Thursday our heater leaked water everywhere.  It was in the basement and THANK GOD I caught it right before it leaked from the unfinished side to the finished side.  

Update on the hole:  It’s getting a lot better.  It’s still there, but closing up.  I’ve been putting Vitamin E on it, and that has helped me sooooooo much.

On Saturday we are having an ugly Christmas Sweater Party.  Woot Woot!  I am so excited about this.  I need something to divert my attention from my real life.  Our house looks like the freaking North Pole.  We have two trees this year.  Im calling one tree the drunk tree and the other tree the sober tree.  The basement “drunk” tree is filled with beach ornaments… Santa at the beach, pink flamingos, Hawaiian lei lights.  It’s awesome.  This year is the first year we have a traditional tree, AKA “sober tree”.  I’ll put pictures of everything some time this weekend.  I got a cake that looks like an ugly sweater.  I am attempting to fill my yard with those blow up things, which I really hate.  I want like 10 of them, and unfortunately I can only find 3 without buying them… so I think I have to scratch the idea. Booo.  I was imagining everyones face when they pulled up to “that house”.